When people find out what I do, I get a lot of vacant stares, faux seizures, and mad dashes for the fire escape.
As it turns out, yarn is really boring if you're not a knitter.
I feel like saying, "I'm a fun person! Just get to know me!" But they are too busy being revived by EMTs to pay me any mind.
Have you ever tried to show someone who was not a knitter your latest stash acquisition, the one you've been petting and ogling all day, only to have them give you a halfhearted, "That's nice."
My husband used to be that person, until I trained him better.
I said, "Honey, when I show you some yarn, here's what I want you to say:
'WOW! That is spectacular! Those color combinations are amazing! Is it soft? Oh my goodness, yes! It is really soft! WOW! I am highly impressed!'"
He deserves an award for putting up with me, he really does.
Do people ever see you knitting and proffer excuses about why they are not currently, at that very moment, churning out a 3X cabled sweater for Uncle Ivar?
I hear things like:
1. My grandma taught me when I was a kid, but I was bad at it/haven't done it since then.
But what they're actually saying is: I tried it and failed. That makes me uncomfortable. I'll stick with microwaving popcorn.
2. I am not good with my hands.
What they're actually saying is: I am intimidated by how fast and easily other people knit. Does it look like I have magic hands?
3. I don't like all that counting.
What they're actually saying is: I had a mean math teacher in school who made me forever question my ability to do anything with numbers. Numbers try to steal my soul while I'm sleeping.
4. I would love to learn to do that when my kids are bigger.
What they're actually saying is: I am too overwhelmed with my life right now to think about one more thing. Why do these children want to eat dinner day after blessed day?
5. I tried making _________, and it didn't turn out/was too small/too large/full of holes.
What they're actually saying is: I don't understand the fundamental principles of knitting. I'm not the kind of person who asks for driving directions or reads the instructions before assembling the 650 piece IKEA bookcase.
6. Whenever I try to knit, it takes me forever to make one inch.
What they're actually saying is: I have serious perfectionism issues. Can you recommend a self help book?
7. I tried to knit a scarf, but had to keep starting over because I made mistakes.
What they're actually saying is: I really need someone to sit next to me the entire time I'm knitting. In fact, why don't you just knit this for me?
8. I always think that I'll learn to knit when I'm retired.
What they're actually saying is: knitting is for senior citizens, and I never want to be one of those. I'm going to stay forever young.
What kind of reasons for not knitting have you heard? I should add them to my decoder cheat sheet!