What you do do is just as important as what you don't do.
That did not come out as intended.
What you don't do matters as much as what you do do.
Oh, forget it.
What you choose not to do is just as important as what you choose to do.
I choose not to eat cake. Instead, I choose to eat apples.
I choose not to look like a Jersey Shore cast member. Instead, I choose to have the skin color the Good Lord intended.
With that in mind, here is what I will not be doing in the year 2013.
1. Get bited by a shark.
In an effort to make the best of her circumstances, my grandmother used to say, "Well, it's better than a sharp stick in the eye." My sister agreed, in her four year old way. "Yeah, it's better than being bited by a shark." My family continues to use "Well, it's better than being bited by a shark" whenever possible.
People, 2013 is my year to NOT be bited by a shark. Won't happen. I can practically guarantee it.
2. Die while climbing Mount Everest.
And that is because I will not be climbing Mount Everest.
I do not wish to pay tens of thousands of dollars to feel sick and put myself in grave physical danger.
I'd rather buy lattes for all of you.
3. Win American Idol.
Not from lack of trying. I am a very talented vocalist. Anyone who knows me can attest to this fact. I intend to come in second on American Idol. I wouldn't want to crush the dreams of a 16 year old from Middle America.
Second is just like first...except a little later.
Vote for me, OK?
4. Knit anything out of dog hair.
Kendall and Anne? Did you really put "Stop Vacuuming and Start Knitting" on the cover of your book?
There's just no accounting for how some people were raised.
(Me, I was raised by a mother who only has hypoallergenic non-shedding canines, if that sheds any light.)
5. Watch football or eat meatloaf.
With apologies to my husband, son, dad, and nearly everyone else I know.
I'd rather watch paint dry.
What are your (anti) resolutions this year?