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Monday
Dec312012

My 2013 (anti) resolutions

What you do do is just as important as what you don't do.

That did not come out as intended.

What you don't do matters as much as what you do do.

Oh, forget it.

What you choose not to do is just as important as what you choose to do.

Example?

I choose not to eat cake. Instead, I choose to eat apples.

I choose not to look like a Jersey Shore cast member. Instead, I choose to have the skin color the Good Lord intended.

With that in mind, here is what I will not be doing in the year 2013.

1. Get bited by a shark.

In an effort to make the best of her circumstances, my grandmother used to say, "Well, it's better than a sharp stick in the eye." My sister agreed, in her four year old way. "Yeah, it's better than being bited by a shark." My family continues to use "Well, it's better than being bited by a shark" whenever possible.

People, 2013 is my year to NOT be bited by a shark. Won't happen. I can practically guarantee it.

2. Die while climbing Mount Everest.

And that is because I will not be climbing Mount Everest.

I do not wish to pay tens of thousands of dollars to feel sick and put myself in grave physical danger.

I'd rather buy lattes for all of you.

3. Win American Idol.

Not from lack of trying. I am a very talented vocalist. Anyone who knows me can attest to this fact. I intend to come in second on American Idol. I wouldn't want to crush the dreams of a 16 year old from Middle America.

Second is just like first...except a little later.

Vote for me, OK?

4. Knit anything out of dog hair.

Kendall and Anne? Did you really put "Stop Vacuuming and Start Knitting" on the cover of your book?

There's just no accounting for how some people were raised.

(Me, I was raised by a mother who only has hypoallergenic non-shedding canines, if that sheds any light.)

5. Watch football or eat meatloaf.

Still nope.

With apologies to my husband, son, dad, and nearly everyone else I know.

I'd rather watch paint dry.

What are your (anti) resolutions this year?

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Reader Comments (11)

Hmmm. Let's see.
1. Not going to knit with mohair. Did it once, had my fill, thank you.
2. Not going jogging. At my age (ahem) a brisk daily walk is quite good enough.
3. To maintain my tradition, not going to watch football, baseball, or basketball, neither college nor pro. I can think of other ways to waste my time.

Like you, I plan to avoid sharks, Mt Everest and the like.

Happy New Year.

December 31, 2012 | Unregistered Commenterbrenda

Anti resolution #1 I will not eat chocolate covered insects no mater what my BIL says.

December 31, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterYarnardent

You made me lol! My dad still says to me: "Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick; right, Meg?" lol!

1) I will not not knit.
2) I will not dance gangnam style

I really can't guarantee anything else.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

Thanks for making me laugh out loud this morning ... I'll have to start thinking about my "Not To Do" list!

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterEvelyn

1) I will NOT be the Woman Folly (Proverbs 6 and elsewhere in Proverbs).
2) I will not continue to pay a ton of money for an apartment. Sadly.
3) I will not continue to maintain or increase my habitus. Gladly.
4) I will not eat balut.

Thank you for the anti-resolution inspiration! :)

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterHeather DJ

I plan to hold firm against sweat pants and tennis shoes. No no never never, unh-unh-unh. Also, no entrelac.

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterRuthD

I will not knit something I don't enjoy. I will not put pressure on myself to knit something and therefor not enjoy it. I will do all my knitting in my own time because I want to, or not at all. (Should I have said I will not do any knitting unless it is in my own time and because I want to?) I will not miss opportunities to have fun with my kids. I will not miss opportunities to be spontaneous. I will not spend the whole year speaking in the negative. I will not skip reading to play on my phone (anymore).

January 1, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterTrisha

What's a balut?

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterGinny R

Brilliant. I LOVE this.
I might join you on all of the above to be honest. Plus LOADS of others that I cant even think of right now.
Anti - resolutions are definitely the way forward.

January 2, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterJaynicknitknacks

I think you pretty much covered my resolutions... Except replace the Vikings picture with a Ravens one. I hate that the Ravens have taken over the color purple. Now if I buy a purple parka (which I did last winter) I have to wear a huge sign that says "NO I AM NOT A RAVENS FAN - I LIKED THE COLOR PURPLE BEFORE THE RAVENS EVER CAME!"

Our family expression is "Use a spoon" - which is basically "The obvious answer is..." It came from my three year old advice to my mother trying to shake the solid contents of a can out... Duh! (implied) Use as SPOON!

January 17, 2013 | Unregistered CommenterAmy A

this shoe looks very warm

July 31, 2014 | Unregistered Commentershoe

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