This post brought to you by the temperature -25F.
Make no mistake: this parka is ridiculous.
Every time I put it on, people laugh at me.
Let us enumerate the ways in which its ridiculousness abounds.
1. The hood. I have never seen a more extraordinary -- and I do mean that in a bad way -- hood.
It's enormous. I could fit an entire conehead in it.
It's shaped badly.
It has a strange Teletubby antenna on top.
2. The sleeves. They are too short. Not only do they look ridiculous, they leave my poor wrists exposed to the -25F temperatures.
3. The shape. It makes me look like a giant fuchsia Teletubby marshmallow. As if I'm not naturally smooshy enough.
4. The color. I normally love bright fuchsia, but as I say in my workshops, color is all about context.
In the context of a marshmallow-shaped, too-short-in-the-sleeves, extraordinarily-bad-hood parka, it adds to the level of ridiculousness.
Why didn't I return this, you ask?
I'll tell you. It was on clearance.
Why keep it around at all, you ask?
It's the warmest coat I've ever owned. Rated to -40. Filled with down.
I only bust this bad boy out when it's truly so freezing my life is in danger. Last year, that was not at all.
Today, school was closed because of the cold.
That almost never happens.
Darn you, Parka of Ridiculousness.
I hate you.
Why do you have to be so warm?